Reno's Missing EMR
by FateEscapesMe
Summary: When Reno loses his EMR in a drunken stupor, he goes all over town to find it. Thanks to QueenAlla for editing!


**Okay, so this is my first FFVII fanfic and it just kinda struck me, I wasn't even planning to post anything anytime soon... Oh well...  
ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing (...Unfortunately... Someday, Reno. Someday.)**

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"Gah! Where is it? _Ican'tfindit!_ Argh! I'm gonna strangle whoever took it!" Reno yelled, tearing up his apartment in pursuit of his missing EMR.

"Well, maybe someone didn't take it, maybe you lost it somewhere last night," suggested Rude, remembering his partner's drunken stupor from the night before. "Maybe you left it at Tifa's bar."

His roommate Rude was disgruntled, to say the least. He was a relatively clean-cut man, and to witness his apartment quickly turning into a trash heap didn't exactly make his day.

Reno's eyes lit up at the mention of the bar. "Ah-hah! I remember putting it down on the counter, but I don't remember picking it back up!"

'_Maybe because you were totally smashed and off your face!' _Rude kept this thought to himself.

"Well, I'm off to investigate Tifa! Bye buddy!"

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"Hello Tifa Lockhart" Reno eyed the brunette suspiciously. "You have it don't you? You have my EMR. Give it _back_!"

"Bloody hell, Reno. I swear I don't have it!" The owner of the bar rolled her eyes impatiently and walked over to join the angry redhead. "What would I need it for, anyway?"

"To get rid of unwanted patrons in your bar, perhaps?" Reno retorted, glaring daggers at her. "Where is it Lockhart? Tell me or I'll hurt 'poor little Cloudy'!"

"Reno, I saw you leave with it in one hand, and a moogle toy in the other! I can prove it! I'll show you the video footage!" The brunette bartender led the Turk to a room behind the bar. The kind of surveillance equipment you thought only existed in James Bond movies lined the far wall.

On the wall closest to Tifa was bookshelf filled with video tapes labelled with dates and times. She took the one relevant to the situation and put it into the VCR. Sure enough, 20 minutes into the tape, Reno stumbled out the door, EMR in his left hand, and some poor child's moogle toy.

"Fine, I believe you." Reno said apathetically as he exited the bar, leaving behind a very smug-looking owner.

_'Where else did I go? The park! Maybe I left it near the swings... Who was I wi- Yuffie! She must have it!'_

And so Reno skipped off to the only park in Sector 7, knowing that the Wutain Ninja Princess would be there once again.

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Reno walked briskly over to where the materia thief was perched. On one of the top branches of a tree, naturally, doing some sort of yoga pose that involved having your legs behind your neck.

_'That has gotta hurt!' _Reno imagined being in the teenager's position. _'Yeah, never tryin' that...'_

"Hey Yuffie, come down here! I got some questions for ya!" Reno shouted to the eccentric teenager. "I seem to have 'misplaced' my EMR" His suspicions were peaking once again.  
"You haven't happened to have come across it, have you?" The Turk raised his eyebrow at the girl, now standing in front of him.

"No, Turkey. You took it with you... But you did leave this!" She handed him the moogle.

'_Huh, that again... It's popping up everywhere.' _He thought, as he eyed the toy. "Uh, where did I go when I left?"

"You said something about an ice-cream...McDonalds, maybe?" Yuffie randomly began to giggle.

'"What? Is there something on my back?" Reno started scratching his back furiously."Get it off! _Getitoff_!"

"No, no. There's nothing on your back. I just remembered a joke!" Yuffie replied, beaming excitedly from her perch on the tree.

"Well, what is it?" Reno asked, after a long silence.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?

"Who."

"Who, who?"

"I didn't know you were an owl!"

Reno rolled his eyes at the Ninja that was now rolling on the ground, somehow having made her way to the floor, unable to control her laughter. He left her there and headed for the nearest Macca's.

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Walking in to the world famous fast food restaurant, Reno copped a whiff of the mouth-watering Big Mac. "Mmm, a burger sounds good ri- NO! I have to find my EMR! …Must concentrate…"

"Uh, Sir, are you okay?" A blonde girl serving at the counter had heard the battle he was having with himself. A look of concern was plastered on her pale face.

"Uh, yeah... Can I see your security tapes?"

"Why?" The girl eyed Reno with suspicion. Walking in and asking to see a security tape without supplying a reason wasn't very normal.

"Cause I've lost something and I wanna know if I left with it when I was here last night. It's very important."

"And what would that be?"

'_God! This chick is nosey!' _"My EMR."

"What's that?"

"An Elec- No, you know what? Just let me see the tape!" Reno was definitely not known for his patience.

The annoying girl showed Reno around the back to where the cameras were. She re-winded to last night. Sure enough, as the Reno in the video was walking out the doors, he was swinging his prized weapon carelessly.

"Well I didn't lose it here..."

_This was the last place I went last night, I should probably just go home then..._

"Bye annoying girl!"

"Bye, dumbass!"

Reno started for his apartment. Maybe Rude found it while Reno was out searching...

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"Honey, I'm home!" Reno called in his most obnoxious tone.

"Did you find it?"

Reno walked through to the living room, where Rude was sitting; his feet perched on the chair beside him. "No I didn't. I see you've cleaned up." The bald-headed Turk grunted in reply.

"Well I'm off to bed then... G'nite Rude, Ol' Buddy!" Reno left the room, a big yawn escaping his mouth. _'Wow, looking for things is hard work...'_

As Reno slid into his bed, he felt something under his pillow. He lifted it up, and there it was! His beloved EMR! How could he have not looked there?

"Rude! I found it!"

"Where?"

"Under my pillow!"

…

**So it's a mediocre attempt at a comedy, but I think it epically fails. Sorry if the characters are a little OOC. Oh well, I tried... Thanks to QueenAlla for editing and fixing my obvious mistakes! Read & Review!**

**^.^**


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